Even when the sky is bright, I shine

2006-08-26T00:28:00.000+08:00

Gone with the wind
Morning star so long!
http://vemhook_20.livejournal.com/

2006-08-25T03:52:00.000+08:00

*Suspense*

Not feeling any better thank you so much
Had class bbq yesterday
day sucked big time
got myself in a fucking scewed state.
Too late to regret anyway.

Work was slack...
Drank quite a lil....
Siti got drunk -_-
That silly girl.

I came to conclusion that.....
These problems are mine
And I have to thank those people who's by side
but
no thanks
Problems are mine and I will settle them myself.
Even if it can't be settled, I'll face it myself
End of story

2006-08-23T02:16:00.000+08:00

*Screwed*
Everything's jsut going wrong.
But I'm not going to give a damn anymore...
Well...
Though I know subconsciously distractions are getting into me....
I have been stuffing food down my throat since yesterday...
Cause I have no appetite...

Whatever it is....
To someone.. thanks for being there for me..
Thanks for the conversation...
You talked some sense into me
And I really appreciate it....

2006-08-22T13:21:00.000+08:00

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So, plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong, and you really do have worth."

It's hard for me to face you anymore

2006-08-22T01:05:00.000+08:00

*pouts*

Thank you to those who gives a fuck damn about me.
Thank you to "them" who isn't there when I needed "them" the most.
Thank you for making me miss these people.
Thank you for picking me up from the roadside and throwing me back out to the roads when they've finishes using me.
Thank you for fucking me up...

I'm sorry to those whom I've made them worried sick about me.
I'm sorry I've neglected their feelings.
I'm sorry I forgot you people do care for me.
I'm sorry Ive changed..
I'm sorry but just leave me alone.
I'm sorry but let me go...

2006-08-21T21:43:00.000+08:00

*Crazy*
That I conclude that I am...
I must be out of my mind....
Really
I swear to God.

I know I will regret
It's just a matter of time I will feel it.

Haiya
Just fuck it..
It's made history.

Whatever it is,
I have been feeling shitty the whole fucking day.

Things I want, I don't get them
Things I don't want, come to me naturally.
Things I want in the past and not presently, came in time

There's just too much suspense
I'm going crazy..
I need to break free.
Need some fresh air.
I just got myself so screwed up that
I'm mocking at myself.

I hope I'm not getting into any trouble.
If I do, I'm fucked ... Big time...

Whatever whatever whatever...

I need ...... right now.
It is definitely the only antidote i feel.
Actually...
It wont be much of a real help
UGh
Just fuck it
I'm out man...

2006-08-20T17:55:00.000+08:00

*I'm sick!*

Yay!
Yesh I am..
On my birthday...
I'm sick on my bithday..
Birthday present from God..---
A sexy voice...
For the longest time..
I broke a record of5 days of sexy voice...

Had my birthday chalet...
It didn't turn out as bad as I have expected it would be...
To those who turned up and who stayed over, you guys made it happen and all of you rawked!
Thanks to all for coming down..
Thanks for the presents
Thanks to those who stayed over and spent sleepless nights together
Thank you to some of you who gave me a trademark and couldn't stop making fun of me..
"Ga ni na!" haha well.
at least I say Ka ni na now...
=P
Thanks for the laughter..
For the camera whoring.
For the Chefs last night.
To Marco, thanks for throwing a bucket of water on me...
To those who were left in the room making me drink water last night.
Thank you for the company to the beach to chill
Thanks for the advices and conversation..
Thanks for the motivation...
Special thankew to someone for believing in me and taking this road with me all this while..
And finally....
Thanks for all the messages through sms.
I didn't reply cause there was far too many coming in and I did read but I just don't have the fingers to type a reply for all...

Well..Had training yesterday.
Cabbed down with those who stayed over for the first night.
I was just trying to figure out my swings the whole time during trng.
Bowled a 118 178 and169...
pretty satisfied for the last two games..
Pretty much only... not really totally satisfied =P

Bowled the afternoon before and the morning before training.
morning meaning.... 1 to 2 plus in the morning. =P
hit my high score of 198 in the arternoon. =P
Happy happy.
'Oh well.....

I'm damn tired
should go napping now..
Till later!

2006-08-16T23:16:00.000+08:00

*it's hard to do*

I'm really sorry that
I've been gone for awhile.
I haven't been knowing
what I want.

And though I still don't
at least I'm getting a clearer view.
I'm not sure if
it's the right thing I'm doing now
Because I'm not feeling it
but I'm going to face up to reality.

I want it but
at the same time
I don't
I know it's not fair that
I'm being selfish
But..
I guess I'm just being self protective...

I'm just too afraid to open up again
I guess I just want to be alone...
So I'm hoping for my wish to be granted...

scarsarealloverandafewmoremakesnodifference

2006-08-16T14:15:00.000+08:00

*Sick*

I don't even have to decide if I want or not to go to school
I couldn't...
I washed up
Went back to the room.
I felt like a half dead person
A weak zombie...

Felt like the time I suffered from pneumonia all over again.
but this time I'm not going to bother.
I'm running a fever cough flu and whatevernots but I'm still going to continue with my daily plans.

Told my maid not to disturb me so I went back to sleep.
Woke up like 2 hours ago still feeling too weak to climb out of bed
I actually forced myself out of bed...
Eyes just puffier than ever man
I sware I woke up looking at myself at the mirror saying the OMFG word..
Seriously no appetite=\
Hopefully I'll be feeling better man

I want to go bowling
But I know I will only make myself feel worst by bowling badly with my condition today.
I guess I'll leave it to tomorrow be it if theres training for me or not..

I'm sooooo soooo soooooooooo tired
mentally & physically I don't even have time for wanting to do anything else anymore...
Whatever it is.
I'm still going to look forward to the rest of my day hoping it will be a better one...
=]
Staying optimistic and going strong =]

I'll shake things off and pretend it's all okay

2006-08-16T00:27:00.000+08:00

*Irritating*

I hate organising stuff like this...
Birthdays are seriously no big deals to me..
I don't even know why in the first place I agree to my dad's suggestion of having a chalet.
fuck it.
I just feel like cancelling the whole damn fucking shit plan.

Training was....
not too bad... =]
had friendly games..
Went pretty well...
Could be better if everyone trained more together.. =]
My shots went pretty well too..
Had more confidence and all eventhough my wrist is injured.
MAry tapped it up like as if i was a mummy....
=P

I'm thinking if I want to go to school tomorrow man
=I don't feel like it.

Fuck it...

This is bad...

I don't have the peseverance for anyhting except when it comes to the sports I do...

I'm getting irritated and impatient with the way one person works.
Draggy and indecisive.
I hate stuff like that.
I just hate people to keep others in suspense.
not once but twice or thrice already.
Getting on my nerves.
So inefficient...

I guess... Out of that..... 5, I'm neither gonna chose any single one too
Just fuck everything and lead my happy life
Bowling and sports science is my life and no one can intrude this perception of mine....
=]

got to go...
tired
till later/...

2006-08-14T13:45:00.000+08:00

*hot*

I coughed myself up...
Well...
I could've slept for awhile longer.
But I couldnt stop coughing.
Got pissed and woke up

Somehow my blocked nose isn't much of a help to me either.
Down to it, I'm just sick sick sick....

Im sick physically and also sick of everything else.....
I guess I just need some time out and alone today...
Maybe chatting with Ping later will brighten my day up a little.
Meanwhile..
I just want to shut up until I meet up the guys at 5...

Going late for Netball.
Ain't training I think...
Too sick to work out today.
Oh well.
I guess I'm just going to watch
..
I'll try to train I guess

Whatever it is...
I just want some time out today
so I'm ouT!
=P

2006-08-14T06:44:00.000+08:00

*Fuck it*

Just got home.
Suprisingly...
I ain't tired.
But I'm so not going to go to school.

Work was... good and bad...
Good: I had a heart to heart talk with Siti.
It was great man...
Bad: Sigh.. yea it's that fucking bad...
Whatever lah.
Fuck it.
Fucked up customers....

Whatever you said to me made me sound like I'm a fucking cheap slut....
So I am at fault for being too nice to almost everyone?
It is just me..
I don't know how to handle people.
Happy?
If rejecting people was such an easy job to me, I wouldn't be Danica
All I needed was that little help and support and I end up getting lectured for being too nice?
Well I've apologised to you...
I really feel bad eventhough I don't think I'm completely at fault.
Whatever it is.
You managed to hit your target of trying to make me feel like fuck
Congrats.
Fuck it.....

Out of here...

2006-08-12T19:51:00.000+08:00

While waiting... patiently
tourists?
the fireworks....
Theme: Nature
So nice right!!!!!!!!!!!????????

*Irritated*

Yesh... Fireworks yesterday...
It was beautiful....
But MArco is right.
Tax paid by people are spent on things like this...
Just pop and byebye kachings!

Went to the NBL yest after parting with Marina...
Then went t Breko and chatted until 1am?
haha..
Right...

I'm like...
Sick...
Blocked nose and sore throat.. =Feeling damn weak....

Hmmx.
TRAINING -bowling
Was fucking bad....
Appearently my thumb grew....
It's swollen and it's plused sized now..
I didn't realise that it grew bigger until I was doing drills today lah!
It was like....
stuck stuck STUCK everytime I release with a hook...
I wont have MUCH of a problem if I follow through and do a straight ball...
Meaning....
I still have problem releasing when I do a follow through ball....
That's damn saddening lah.
My stepping and techniques were all so near perfect today and that thumb of mine is just nice enough to expand... =_________[
You should have been there to see the way I powder my bowling ball with my powder ball man
I was practically hitting it so hard cause I was so.....
Irritated because of not being able to do my normal release...
Isaac said I bowl too much...
Stupid fucking thumb...
I'm still thinking if I should re drill that thumb hole... -_-
I just got it drilled like last month!?
Rubbish!
And besides..
Isaac says this ball is too light for me too!
Kill me lah....
Haiyer
Disgusting
This ball just will not work for me to optimum I swear!

Sighs...
Fucking thumb...
Okay..
I'm still at it...
Hahaha

AHHH
Let mE HOOK LAH!!!!
Irritating.
Maybe some moisturizer will help...
Haha

Okay nevermind...
Going to get my ball bag tomorrow!
Yay!
Cant wait...!

I will get a new ball soon I guess...
After this intra...
If things go well...
I'll get a new one.... =]

AHHH!
Work!
NONONONO!
I'm feeling damn hyperactive now!
HAhaha
Othe than the swelling finger which pissed me off the whole time when bowling today, I'mm happy today!
Though I'm damn tired...
=X

Alright
GTG prepare!
Outta here!

2006-08-11T13:08:00.000+08:00

Mother and I!
Disturbing besttie while she was studying!
It's been long since Ive held on to books..
Patriotic bitches! =P

2006-08-11T11:27:00.000+08:00

Besttie's studying and I'm writing
I was disturbing her when she's studying!
Haha.. =P
I was showing her some functions! haha

Oh well... There's more for me to add in but appearently Picasa doesnt allow.. -_-Will post more later =P

Someone ponned school. -_-
Not shy arh..
Pon all the time...
Hahah..
Okay lah.I admit I hate school....
I can't wait for the next semester

Oh well got to go for my meeting now!
Cheer up pokey & small boy!
I'm here if ya'll need me!
Muacks!

2006-08-11T01:02:00.000+08:00

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And me scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion is in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

2006-08-10T23:11:00.000+08:00

*Itchy hands*
Just came home from the league..
And YES!
My hands are sooooo itchy they just want to bowl right now... -_-
Went to watch the league...
You guys rawked!
Don't worry about fall backs man..
If you fall, just stand back up..
And everything will go just fine!

Oh well....
I couldn't wake up this morning...
I didn't even hear my alarm.. -_-
Until.. my dad called..
Picked up the phone..
He asked if I was going to school...
Saw the stupid time.... 8am...
I said no I'm not.. -_-
How stupid can I get to forget all about UT today.
I don't even know what's today's UT man...

Hmmx..
I've some DSES briefing at 12 tomorrow..
I hope I wont forget man...
Will someone be kind to remind me!?!?!?!!?
HAhahaha

Holland V-ed with mother and besttie today!
Had so much fun!!
Love the both of them to bits man!!!!
=P

Alright..
I've got to go...
Can't wait for tomorrow and Saturday!!!! =P

2006-08-10T05:05:00.000+08:00

*Sweet*

Why am I not sleeping, you're asking?
Cause I can't
I just came to realise that my body and mind's system has gone hay wire...

Oh well..
Work was havoc!
I didn't drink!
Yay!
HAha
well..
Part of me knows that most probably I will be having self training tomorrow.
The other part of me knows that I have school like in hours....

It was retro cum r&b and some slow music.
The music was rather good actually..
Siti and I were havocing in the bar..
=P
Chatter a little again.
Had my so called smoke but not really smoke smoke break again.. =P
Ibrahim came to where I was fagging..
He saw .............. but I didnt give a damn...
I still went on with what I was doing...
Haha

SAw Vincent Ng today.
Siti and Ayu were screaming..
Ayu was damn slow..
She was counting money and she suddenly saw him and screamed OMG vincent ng!!!!!
I was like... sia lah you damn slow sia.. haha I have been slashing his credit card for the past hours man... and only now you see him... haha
Siti said to me... sia la.. I thought I was slow enough. this one slower sia..
And she went OMG OMG OMG vincent over here!
ANd I changed the topic...
Sia la.. whats with our sia"s" and our la"s"
haha
But of course too bad he didn't hear Ayu.. hahaha

Everyone went crazy today..
Fitri and Andy and Fiko i think its his name.. haah
Started fighting...
and Andy fell like three times on my legs.. -_-'"
haha.
and
I was fighting with Siti in the bar...
Hahaha

Fitri was screaming like no one's business

After work.. Fiko started playing with Helium....!
HAha
God damn funny.
Everyone just started laughing like big time.
Fiko followed by botak then Mic and then chong.
Haha
Crazy people.

Oh wells.
I'm still sick of working in Happy.
HAha

Alrights time to sleep! only left with an hour of it!
HAh
Im out!

2006-08-09T18:14:00.000+08:00

*"scandalous" act"

I cant believe I woke up at 530pm...just now...
This is to prove how tired I am
and how much I have been struggling myself with since two Saturdays ago...
Having a feast now.....
after 20 hours of no food.
haha

Work was...
to me, retarded..
playing national day songs in club is soooo wrong and such a turn off!
I think Glenn was unhappy that the dj overrun

Many people came down!!!!!!!
Ef and eilliot came down!!!!
omg I was hugging Ef big time lah...
haha

oh well....
--- came too...
so sweet lah...=P
bought me a teq shot...

I hacked if I was going to get fucked up already
I 'm so sick of working in this place man....
But of well....
Went for my smoke break..
Not completely smoke smoke break....
Haha...
I was given a word that I will not get fucked up.

Oh well.
Work again tonight.
I think it's going to be boring.

Oh wells.
I should stop here.
It's getting real boring.

2006-08-08T22:47:00.000+08:00

*What more expectations are needed of me*

I took a damn long journey home..
Walked and chatted from Jurong bowl all the way to Marina's house then I walked to lakeside MRT..
Took a train to Redhill...
And I waited for the bus for more than half an hour....

Thoughts thoughts and more thoughts were all that was going through my head.....

I realise I have put in effort in everything I do..
From bowling all the way to work to friendship....
I feel I have done too much ..
I'm tired...
Especially when dealing with people.
I've done my best to try make everyone happy and satisfy their needs....
But some just dont see that I am trying and they are just.....
somehow neglecting how I'm feeling.
If it was because of issues and one wants to run away from reality, I can't do much...
Like I said...
I'm already doing everything I can, forking out all the energy I have to make up for the things which has gone wrong, putting my words into actions and trying my best to satisfy the expectations of others.
What more can one expect?
I've done my part
Too much effort
I'm draining out.
And it's up to one if he/she wants to get himself/herself a wake up call or start to realise that reality is something everyone must face.....
I can't think of what else I can do to please these people anymore.
All I can think of is just constantly to be there as and when someone needs me...

Sigh..
Off to work now..
I'm still around the corner

2006-08-08T12:25:00.000+08:00

*-_-*

The class is leaving...
Im not too sure who but I know majority...
=P

Oh well...
Still thinking about it...

Bowling later.
Can't wait!
=P

Went to fosters yesterday..
It was great!
=P

Had daiquiri and long island.
There's something wrong with my typing today...
Haha

Oh well...
Hope there will be another meeting like last night's again.
=P

Have you realise that it's been you all along.
Thats where the problem lies....
It's nobody else but yourself.
You have been lieing to yourself and to everyone...
It's just too hard if you continue being who you are now.
One day true colours will reveal and everyone will leave you

2006-08-07T10:09:00.000+08:00

*Can't it be easier?*

40 minutes of sleep....
Better than nothing I guess...
=]

Just came back from break and I'm feeling bloated man
I stuffed food down....
Forced myself to eat... -_-
But I didn't finish that plate of chicken chop...
I wanted not to waste food but I couldn't take it anymore...
Haha

Oh well..
Worked again last night...
It went alright....
Hmmx..... customers again...
Haha..
One of the Happy man contestant asked for my number!
Hahaa..
This is retarded....
I told him he will see me again next week so it's not a need...
=P
Well..
He was the one I was supporting so it was pretty cool!
Haha
Weird though...
No interest lah.....
Ask him to be my personal trainer only..
I don't mind... =P

Haha
During the show..
A bunch of gays were asking me which one I was supporting
And I was like... oh Francsis
However you spell that...
And one of them was like...
DOnt worry! We'll make sure he wins tonight!
Results...
He won...
HAHA
They were screaming like I don't know what man...
Hahaha
And another one said haiyo you like him why dont scream..
Then I replied...
Hmms.. I don't scream for guys...
It's retarded...
Haha

Siti was going crazy over her malay guy...
=P

Drank a little bit...
Not alot..

Had stupid cramps ...
"BF" was being nice.. =]
Hugs...

Have been having moodswings[pms]
Eversince last night...
I told Gordon to fuck off...
hahaha
oopsy...

Siti...mabok again...
She came to me...
she-dan... you love me right? do you!?
me-yea I do love you.
she- you better arh..
me- orh.
Hahaha
I started laughing for the next.. I don't know how long...

I had a damn scary deejavu at work this morning lah!
I mean deejavus usually happens in a split second for only..... 1 or 2 seconds?
Mine lasted for at least half a minute I swear man.
I was getting freaked out lah......
Everytime I try to look away to another view, that view will be a scene once in my dream....
Wah tell you.... I was having breathing diffculties and I was shivering at the end of my deejavu man..
I swear I was fucking freaked out ....

Oh wells....I hope I don't ever get stuff like this anymore....
Alrights.
Back to work!
=]

I'm somehow having weird feelings..
Just ain't right....
Gawd save me!
Hahaha

2006-08-06T14:17:00.000+08:00

*Essay-Happy,Towning,Bowling Training,Seoul Garden!*

Woke up.....
by a call...
Was asked to help play captains ball..
I suck at captains ball..
Seriously..
Unless I play with people who knows the game of netball... then I will know how to play better
But oh well..
Agreed to it.
I just hope it can be indoors...
Which I think it's highly impossible again...
I hate going under the sun these days.
Well..
I have reasons why I can't go under the sun ...
Oh well..
just hack it and play fer my friend!
Just pray that there wont be scorching sun on that day...

Work last night was...
Pretty fun..
Heh...
They changed the house music and it rocked the house!
Oh my tian it was like damn nice lah...

I was actually being pulled by customers to chat with them...
-_-
One of them pulled me over to ask me if he should patch up with his partner....
Like deao....
And he was like...
For your ability to console such a guy like me, I will bring all my lesbo friends next week and intro them to you!
I was like...
Orh..
No need lah..
Who knows they all turn out looking like who knows what.
cause appearently he so happen to know a "SPE-sibei pui eh"
I was like OMG!
NO PLEASE SPARE ME MAN
If you know her I definitely don't want to know who are the "rest" of your lesbo friends already man.
That "SPE" turns me off ....
Fucking person.
Haha
Oh well.. Of course I didnt tell him about the sparin me part.
I just told him the one from RP?
HE was like.. yea yea yea
I was like...
Oh I know her..
We used to be classmates back then..
He said... oh thats so cool!!
I was thinking.. right.... over my dead body...
Hahahaha

Some of the..........
people were getting touchy on me yesterday...
Well.. want to touch also better looking then come and touch lah..
Look at yourself in the mirror man.
So ugly still got the cheek to anyhow touch ...
I was complaining to Mariana yesterday...
She was like... not happy then fuck him up arh..
I help you fuck
I was like.. haiyooooo
Dont anyhow fuck
For such ugly guys like him..
Not worth it..
I'll cry for your fingers man,.....
Haha

And yes she started wacking me..
=P

We drank quite abit this morning lah so... haha
Every one..
Really everyone there was high...
I was forced to glup down a bottle of bacardi breezer.
Sucky drink..
No kick..
Hhaha
But... it's different when some idiot puts his hands on your mouth and pour it in for you.
How nice when he's my "boyfriend" in happy..
hahaha

As usual...
Siti was getting tardy..
That's what she said- Sia la Dan drink so slow drink faster lah
me- im trying already lah.... my teeth cant take the cold...i used to be a braces girl.. =P
Siti...- Sia la...I fuck care you you better finish the whole jug now now now!!!!
me- youre high lah... shut up...haha

Lol
She was giving me that...... high and spastic act fierce look..

Wan was acting bapok & mabok...
if that's how you spell that...
haha.
Mariana was like.. Sia la dan.. I die already lah.. Mabok already...
=X
James..... Trying to hook me up as usual.
So didnt work... haha
Gordon.. Fucking jerk.GO to your motherfucking canto club...
Talked to Princess Ann.. I thought she was 20+++ lah and turned out shes 32! omg..
Still so pretty lah.. Jealous.
Haha
Wil-my "Bf" ='P Was asking if I was going to go back with James to have sex
I was like... WTFFFFF.. sooo nooo lah! irritating.. haha
Botak- as usual.. drunk... so funny.. but... I'm still not going to speak to him. Hate his fucking attitude...

Well.. the bartenders were going crazy yesterday!
they started drawing on the poster of the Happy men competition 06.
They were drawing on the pictures half naked body guys... hahahaha
They are so going to get killed by Aziz today...

Well... I was almost an hour late for work yesterday...
Because I was in town.... haha
Jan's birthday party went great!
tOOK Peekchues and then neoprints that are omg so nice!!!
I told them that it's my first time taking neoprints again eversince the start of poly life..
THey were all scolding me for MIAing on them for so long....
Know what..
Jan,Rach,Nat,Besttie,Mother & my Squirrel!
Im really sorry that I have been mia-ing!
I was really so busy to even realise it is more than a month that we met up...
I didn't think it is that long....
I loved those picturse that we took man!
Anyway....
Nat! now you know that even though I was mia-ing alot but pictures of the 7 of us has always been in my wallet kay!
=P
Now I have more to put in my wallet!
Yay!
=P

Poly life sucks and It was really really really really great to hang out altogether again!
I really really really missed the 6 of you .
I was so happy that I saw all of us again..
Seriously..
But I was just too tired to express my feelings out..
It's just like an overwhelming feeling of happiness[fun and laughter, peace and joy] all over again!
=]]]]]]]

Training...
Yesterday..
Was shit!
I got damn irritated!
MY lanes... there were
Intimidations....
Un-seriousness....
Distractions[my fault]
I don't know..
I just go hay wire if I start teaching others how to bowl...
So I will shut up and speak little in future...
Charlynn and I were complaining big time..
And Shawn agreed with our complains..
Haha
Well..
After training, bowled one game with Shawn...
For my performance during training, I was satisfied with my score.. 147..
Could have been higher..
I so had two doubles with a split frame in between that four strike frames....
My olympics... hahaha
gone...

After that..
Left with Marina Angel Isaac and MArco for Seoul Garden!
It was funnily fun...
Went to the play ground after our meal and started spinning....
It was so scary I couldn't stop screaming...
Haha
Angel.. OMG that girl...
Reckless driving man... hahaha
Scary...! hhaha
MARINA I want the pictures okay!?!?!?
hahah
SEnd me arh!
=P

Haha
Okay
I just realised I have typed enough for a 500 word essay...
Hahaha =P
Rubbish.

I'm just bored...
But so many things happened yesterday and I just had to blog it out... =P
Alright I should stop now...
I love the 7 of us! REMEMBER THAT! <3<3<3>

2006-08-05T09:15:00.000+08:00

*Pufferfish*

I woke up
Opening my eyes
First word that came to me was Fuck
And
The second was Shit
My double eye lid is gone again.....
-_-

WAs actually dreading everything that's going to happen today
Brushing my teeth and still cursing that lid to come back...
Went out.... saw the wether today and the view
And I was like..
OMG so nice!
and
The next moment
I was excited over my Banana Nut Crunch Cereal!

So..
I conclude....
That today , I'm going to look forward to everything that's going to happen....
I still didnt forget the August babies birthday k!!!

Happy Birthday to..
Girlfriend!!!! -Mel Ong
My long long lost Nu er- Jia Yi
Er Zi - Pam!
Mumtaj!
Mother!-Shuyu
Miss sexy Janet Lie!
BESTTIE
Nikki! I miss you girl!
Miss Vivien Leong..- this aunty has long disappeared.. -_-

Hahaha
I hope I didnt Miss out any..
Brain still blocked...
I still reember how we celeberated out august birthdays together in 4J03 4mm04 & 5mm05!!
=]]]]

Wth
I'm in a rush for training now..
Haha
Outta here!
=P

2006-08-05T00:37:00.000+08:00

*So wrong!*

I'm definitely handling things the wrong way with the wrong approach
I am helping myself throw everything away.
How stupid can I get.
Well...
As long as ..................
I'm contented I guess
Yea yea yea I know...
Im a fucking stupid nut...

Whatever it is....
I hate myself for being what I am now...

Sighs...

Oh well...
Today was rather a hyper day for me...
But people just has to help me turn my day foul.
Forget it man...

Bowling was...
Rubbish
I was practically having more fun than having self training..
=P
Dinnered after that..
Four of us couldn't stop laughing our arses off!
Haha....

I can't wait for tomorrow!
Though I know it's like going to be a damn damn long tiring day but Still......Excited. =]

2006-08-04T13:46:00.000+08:00

I'm having the day from hell,
It was all going so well (before you came)
And you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)
And not to mention (the tears, ashame)
But I should have kicked your (ass instead)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

Cause baby
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Don't know where I parked my car
Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)
And not to mention (I drank too much)
I'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

Cause baby
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
Cause it just seems to go bad everytime
Will I be mending?
another one ending once again

Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up (out) where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up (out) where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Falls apart
Gotta pick myself out cause things are mended

The Veronicas

2006-08-04T01:03:00.000+08:00

*Insomia*
As usual....
I can't sleep
But when dawn arrives,
I will be too tired to get myself rolling out of bed.
And during the day,
I will be too tired to survive through lessons

I've never felt so weak for such a long time...

Was watching high school musical just now..
It was rather fake to me.- Call me cold hearted...
But...
It was nice overall..
=]

I'm seriously thinking what I should do next...
This is getting bad...

Okay..
I shall blog until I have no more topics to talk about...

I agree with what was being told to me....
I will spend lesser time on .................
I cannot be that gullible anymore.
I've got to wake up....
The conversation just now got me thinking....
It's true eversince.....
I wasn't happy..
Truely happy.. for 5 straight days.
Until now..
It's been already.... a few months...
I just don't realise it myself until...
I was told that I should stop myself from getting hurt by others...

Yea...
I should...
Had enough...

Things are going to change for the better soon... after late August that is..
=]]]]]]]

Oh well..
Blogging is fucking boring....
God save me!
Give me something to do man!
Maybe I should go for a jog...

Hmmx..
No..
Not a good idea during this two months..
=P
Alright out of here...
BORING!

2006-08-03T20:40:00.000+08:00

*fuck*

YeaToday is fucking fucked up
I seriously don't know what 's happening to me now...
I was bowling weak and all of a sudden my whole body feels weak.
I didnt even have alot of energy to pull the roller bag.

I conclude I am feeling sick....
My fingers are feeling cold again...

Sigh..

Whatever it is...
I'm missing somebady! =P

Oh wells...
You know who you are..
I'm glad you were here to listen to me..
Though it isn't like on the phone or face to face but your words seriously made me feel a whole lot better
Hugs....

Life's so fucked up, I'm just so lost at what to do...

2006-08-02T22:59:00.000+08:00

*Closing it in*

I can feel myself drifting futher and futher away from this world...
All I feel is emptiness.

I just don't understand why everything wrong has to happen all at one go in a same period of time.....

Whatever it is.
I may be gone.... in terms of my inner thoughts
But I'm still hanging around
Waiting for a miracle to happen.

Hopefully there will be sunshine over rain soon.

Thanks for the prezzie & thanks for being here for me.... Love ya!

2006-08-02T00:06:00.000+08:00

*Yea it's true....*
That life's just too unfair for anyone.. especially me to live on..
What the hell...
I'm still thinking of suicide...
HAhahahaHA
Right!
Oh bowling tomorrow.!
I can't wait

Today--- Bad bad bad day....

I woke up...
Brushed my teeth
And out of no where I needed to puke.
SOmehow my body just wanted to reject anything I took in today...
And I'm ready to puke anytime now...
Morning.....
I puked like liquid?
There was basically nothing for my to puke but something just had to come out...
Followed on..
No appetite...
Whole damn day....
When I have the appetite, I eat and I get the puking feeling again.
I just ate and I'm so getting it now..
I'm prepared to throw up anything I just ate...
Well...
Fever went down...
Was just in the nausea mode the whole damn day.
I seriously...
Have no idea what's going wrong with me.....

Andrew say's it's depression
I don't believe thats the main cause......

Training just now..
I sucked......
Well..
Not much with the playing part but the shooting part..
Everytime I take a shot, even before it touches the hoop I will say aiyaaaa or shit or knn....
Haha
I just predicted it?
I guess....

I was pissed off with an old fuggin bitch
I indirectly banged her infront of her team and my team and their coach and My coach.
I wasn't afraid of doing that cause I knew somehow she was at more fault than I am....
Well
Practically my whole team and obviously most of her teammates hates her tooo..

Of all times come and xia lan me today when my mood is most foul...Well...
I think I managed to fuck her upside down a little.
I proved I wasn't biased with umpiring...

Well training twice next week.
I hope
I will not die of tiredness.
Haha.
I will still train on bowling though...
*determination is the key to success..... ONLY for this case.
Not anything else
For any and everything else, I feel no hope no faith no determination no fighting spirit, Just weak...
I don't feel secure
I just dont..
Vulnerable.....

Fuck everything..
I'm out... -_-

Oh well...
My phone batt went dead on me....

2006-08-01T13:18:00.000+08:00

*Evilness*

Everyone's born pure, innocent and kind.
No one's born evil.
People choose who they want to be
And I'm choosing the path to evilness.....

Haha dont ask what's gotten into me.
I don't know..

Currently..
There's just.....
Fury
Hatred
Despise
Anger
Vengence
Coldness
In me.......

I m hating what I'm doing now
Seriously..
But....
I'm going to enjoy doing who I chose to be

I can't wait to bowl....
BUT
I've got Netball training tonight. =Sigh...

I'm kinda dreading it to be frank....
*Bloats*
I just want to bowl.

Sian..
-_-

2006-07-31T22:06:00.000+08:00

*Fever?*

Yes I realise I'm down with fever...
But I still needed some time out alone.......
To make myself feel better from this shitty day...

Did my hair...
Lovin' it
Permmed it a little......
The top area...
Dyed it another colour....
Looking patriotic??
Diao...
What the hell...
I was asked what tone of Red my hair is...
I didnt know how to describe it so I gave a stupid answer..
Flamboyant Red?
I answered to that question in an expressive literature way...
=P
Hahaha it's a stupid answer.. I know..
Oh well... It was meant to be lame anyways.

Hmmx..
Went shopping alone..
Needed some time out from everyone else for awhile...
Spent like......
5 hours plus alone...
Shopped... Arcaded... Mealed... and Chilled.
Hmmx...
Bought a little stuff for myself. =]
Happy..
Bought something for someone else...
Hope that someone will like it...
=]]]
I find it really nice though...
I should get one for Mr HXX one day..
Haha....
When I get the cash again lah hor...
WAit long long arh Andrew...
Haha

Anyway...
Andrew came down at 7pm...
We chilled....
Tried to attract attention...
Especially in watsons, a watch shop and that cheapo budget shop which I claimed loudly in...
Hahahah
Inside joke...
Hahaha...
Hmmx.. the rest of the attention..
They just came itself....
I don't know what the hell is wrong..
It's either I'm over sensitive or it's my new hair that's attracting attention...
And probably...
Andrew and I just look weird walking together?
Hahaha..
Oh well....
The way we purposely act and speak in public today was......
One of the main factors to attracting major attention..
That I conclude...

Still...............
Thanks for everything darling.
I'm glad things are getting better
Though I'm still thinking of suicide..
Hahahahaahahaa
Love ya always!
Muacks!
=P

*MISSED*

2006-07-31T09:40:00.000+08:00

*Hang over*

It's so fucking fustrating to have more that 5 phone calls, non stop ringing house phone... and more than 10 incoming smses after 7 all the way till now.
I could not fucking sleep no matter how hard I try.
I seriously haven't slept off the alcohol content in my body yet...
Dehydration...
Hang overs are so not going to help me with the rest of my day.
Feeling cold in the head and everywhere else.
Turned off all the possible causes that will make me cold
And it's still ain't workin...

FUck it man
Somehow there's just the fury rising in me...
Yes I'm pissed with those irritating PEopLes but I'm feeling most angry with myself...
God brought me to this world to screw myself and my own life up....

2006-07-30T19:25:00.000+08:00

*Those kisses*

Never take these kinda words seriously...
Never take these kinda words for granted...
Never ever..
This is the fourth time and the last.....
UseD as and when only needed...
I've had enough...
All are selfish and never kind...
All are heartless....

And many a times...
I seriously feel that....
Things just ain't my fault but I just went ahead with apologising..

I had a weird dream last night...
I don't know if I should laugh at it, or...
Cry or take it seriously because...
Somehow..
there were hints in the dreams.......
I dreamt I went to a place....
So nice....
=]
I woke up for the first time feeling less burdened....

Oh well..
Got my new phone..
=]
Nice..
Lovin my "Remote Control"
Like what Lee XH last night..
That idiot.
haha
I guess she was just high....
=P

Work was.....
Tiring yesterday...
Well... Only towards the last 3 and a half hours of work....
Bartenders were giving me a headache last night..
WEll not all...
Only 3...
3's alot alright.
Handwriting suck
Change problems..
Got to help them clean up their arses because they dropped changes...
LATE ENTs
IRRITATING SHIT LAH
I was rushing to do closing and all those stupid ENTs not signed...
Arses.

Oh well..
Mr Andrew got high...
No suprise...
I didn't drink..
WAs sick with even the smell of alcohol...
Had two sticks of Viceroy though..
Irritated with myself....
for fagging.
No ciggies tonight...
Cause no Andrew..
So..
It should be a good thing... =P

Whatever it is.....
Im feeling fucked up right now
And I just want to scream!

Big mouths should be excuted..

2006-07-29T17:47:00.000+08:00

*All Facade*

Just came home from training...
I wasn't really consistent today..
Feel like playing, do well..
Don't feel like playing, like shit..
But.. Well.... at least all the games I bowled are above 12+
New high game..
Today..
175
=]]]]

Ohhh.
And my average's around 14+today
Something to applaud on...
BUT
my techniques are in a piece of mess...
I shall brush up during the coming week man...

........
Just talked to my dad on the phone
Ericsson k800i!
Oh so cool!
TOMORROW!
=P

Haha...
Well..........
I realise..
After all the people I confided in,
My dad gave the shortest but the best crap to make me feel better.
I guess he could see I haven't been happy lately..
Same goes to those I'm living with...
Well.. HE's right in whatever he said and I'm enlightened by a whole lot but..
It's still going to take some time for me to get back on track...

Oh well..
Okay..
I should start looking for some ways to get the information in my phone into the labby....
Don't want to lose any precious information

*Small boys.....*
Haha
They're cute...
Haha..
Not ugly but adorable...
Lol...

2006-07-28T21:32:00.000+08:00

*Unaware*

I don't realise that I don't smile as much as before until besttie told me...
I don't realise that I stress myself too much until Toey told me...

Oh well....
I conclude I am going to give in....
And leave....

I'm unable to handle this anymore and I don't want this to go on..
I'm never this sort...
I hate ........... within friends....

I know by doing everything I'm going to do will completely drain me out
but.........
I am too tired to go on.....
I just want this to end...

Patient and kind...is...
Love...
All types of it....
And everything else...

And this is what I shall be....

Went bowling...
With Toey..
Hit my newest high game....
168..
The last shot was wasted..
Somehow.
I just couldnt perform up to standard
ESPECIALLY
with pin 5 and 10!
Two easiest spares to me and I cant take 80% of them...
Don't know what went wrong with me today.....

Practised alot on locking, hooking and balancing.....
Average from 12 to 13!
=P
A step at a time..
And things will go fine.=]
My average must go up soon again...
Next week next week...
I'll make sure my performance is consistent throughout the whole week.=]

Went to have dinner with Toey at a cafe..
Had the best Cesear Ham Salad
Fuck how you spell that shit.

And yes back home..
I'm tired man..
Shower time!
And
Bed time!
It's been long since I've slept at least 6 hours the whole week. ...
I should sleep longer tonight...'
Out!

..... ......

2006-07-28T09:20:00.000+08:00

Its hard to believe that i couldnt see
You were always right beside me

Thought i was alone
With no one to hold

But you were always there beside me.
This feelin's like no other
I want you to know.

I've never had someone that knows me like you do.
The way you do.
And i've never had someone as good for me as you.
No one like you.
So lonely before, i finally found
What i've been looking for

Zac Efron & Vanessa Anne Hudgens

2006-07-28T00:05:00.000+08:00

*Damn I'm a nut*

=P

Just reached home....
Well done the four of you!
If you didn't perform as well then try harder next time yup?
Hugs =]]]]

I was basically getting dizzy spells the whole day today...
so irritating.
Sorry to grab on to your shirt so tight Chris
And thanks Chris and Jannah for holding me! =P
Totally almost popped on the floor during presentation today..
Right after the dizzy spell it was my turn and I couldn't speak properly anymore..
I was feeling nausea the whole day after that.
Haha..
Oh well..
With my slightly sprained ankle, it just makes situation so not any better.
Somehow gastric came up....
How screwed can I get today..
Haha...

Alrights ..
Whatever it is...
I'm still cool! =P

Out of here!

*I'm here for you and I still care...*

2006-07-27T11:19:00.000+08:00

*Appreciate*

Science is killing me!

=P

Thank you mo mo ren for companying me for lunch!
Haha alright..
sHould blog later..
SCIENCE!!!
Thalidomide!

2006-07-26T23:28:00.000+08:00

*Somehow you and I collide*

Loved that song...

Listening to it right now... =P

Oh well...

Today was...
I don't know but towards the later part of the day, it was great!

I hit 160 today! hahaha
MY so far highest eversince my reactive...
BUT I worked on hooking today..
That was my main focus... ain't the scores....
Could've done better on the swings...
Damn those swing ins....
Managed to control the ball a little bit better towards the end...
Straight DAn!
STRAIGHT STRAIGHT
LOCK Hook! =P
Im crazy
Oh well.... 160..... can be higher!
Soon soon soon =P

I muST master my hook soon!
=P
Slowly getting a slight hang of it =]

* I can survive in that world you said I'm in..... I don't care what others said about me... I'm happy the way I am now...
I guess I was wrong about saying nothing will change.... I guessed....
It's already starting to change a little.
It's just natural that these are happening.
I still want to care and I want to help but you ain't saying a single shit.
Anyway, I forgave what was said that night long ago but it's just too hard for me to forget.
It just doesnt feel the same and somehow, you're not the same kind of person I thought I saw in you anymore.
I know this sucks and I know you're going through a bad time but I still want to be there.
I know it's hard for me to have the same feelings towards this friendship anymore but I'm still going to try anyway...*

*YOUre the sweetest I've met so far... I thank God I found you...*

2006-07-25T12:18:00.000+08:00

*Never one so sweet *

Argh....
Soooo irritating!
Every step I took, I knocked down something or I drop something..
How clumsy can I get.

I'm home today..
No school fer me....
Reason being...
I needed more sleep.
And I ain't sleeping any later than 12++ pm
Thats...... usually a natural thing for me ??
Hmmx.. Irrelavant information.
At times.

Yesterday was.....
Tiring
But Great!
Went to Bt Pnjng Plaza!
Boring place..
Hhaha..
But met up Miss Yeo and Miss Mak!
I love you two like hell loads!!!!!
Miss MAk! Was nice to see you again! hahahahah
You know no matter how bad I treat you you're still my number one..
HAhaa
Oops.!
=P
Thanks for the CD anyways Gay! ='P

Yea slacked around Starbucks till........
Eh.. I think... 1045 and took LRT then trained home...
=]]]]]]]]]]]]]

Alright.. goingto work on what I have to do now....
Till lata!

2006-07-24T12:04:00.000+08:00

*Get the hang of it*

Just take one step at a time Dan...

I'll make it through
I'll stay firm and strong in whatever I do.

I'll recover soon..
I hope....

But right now..
I need antiseptic cream badly...

*I miss ................*

2006-07-24T04:43:00.000+08:00

* wrecked *

Im lost.....
Fucking lost.......
I'm going crazy.......
I don't know what to do...

I tried stopping but I can't
I can't take it anymore....
One after another blow....
Too much for me to handle..

Just the hurt it has caused
All gone....
All numb now...
Nothing else.

Nothing will change between us..
Don't worry.
The only thing that will change will be me...

Thanks for being honest.
I appreciate your effort.
There'll still be our pinky hook
But I'll be gone....
For good...
Not physically gone but
I'm just going to go away on a trip to my little empty world.

=]

I guess there's nothing much more for me to look forward to in life anymore.
Everything will go on.. just like before
I promise you
But I can't promise you I'll be back on my vacation anytime soon....

It's just hard to climb back up when you fall into a hole which is as deep as a well.....

2006-07-23T19:47:00.000+08:00

*a new ray of hope?*

No matter the circumstance,
I know I'm a winner in the eyes of my own.
Yea I guess I won't want tomorrow to come cause I want to run away from reality.
But reality is meant for everyone to face
And so I will face it .

Whatever the results, I will accept.
I have to right. ?
Sportsmanship...
IS something I want and something I have attained through the years
Ain't gonna back out like some chickens who will leave if they dont make it.

I'm typing these because I'm currently feeling shitty

I feel like puking
Big time.
Thanks to fagging.
I could feel my heart burning when I ran just now
fuck it...
But...
I still persevered and finished the last stretch of road...

I want to go for swims but I know I cant.........
I will wait till the condition is better before I gear up.
I think I will end up trying to drown myself.
Hahah

I seriously don't have the mood to work
From intra till now, my head is filled with bowling bowling and only bowling...
Well...
Not really "aND only bowling" theres something else in particular which makes me pretty happy {AHHHH! =]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]}
but otherwise BOWLING.....

Ahh.
I don't think I can sleep after coming back form work later man.
I couldnt sleep last night...!
Imagine a zombie me now.
ZOmbie goes to work = Corpse!
HAha

Alright
This is getting nowhere...
I'm out!

2006-07-23T11:27:00.000+08:00

*sleepyhead*

Yes..
Why am I up so early you ask..
I was up at 10 +++!

Thanks to some kloot who messaged me and donald duck just started singing christmas carols...
Haha.
Oh well.
I've switch it back to my old message tone and let donald duck carol when some one calls.
=P

Oh I forgot to add in that the kloot is a cute one so...... excused for waking me up...
Haha
='P

Weather looks good.
No Gym
But....
Running!
=]]]
I should Gym soon to balance the muscles on my left arm...
I don't really have to worry about gaining the mass on my right leg cause I use more energy to run and jump on my right leg most of the time...
So..
Yup!
=P

Actually..
My mood sucked last night..
SEriously!
After chatting with a few people..
Felt much better.
Slept at 3 ++

In fact..
I realised that I should be happy.
Cause my average isn't 12+ anymore....
Most of the time I bowl 13+ 14+ and only a few times here and there...
11+12+ when I anyhow bowl..
Haha

I can reach 15+ 16+ soon!
I'm determined..!

Just stay consistent Dan!

Hmmx... No stamina..
I'm aching after 14 games yesterday
Well... It's my first time I'm bowling 14 games in a day so....
yep.
The last time was only around 12 games...
=P

Working tonight and I'm somehow dreading it...
=Okay I should go look for some...
Breakfast?
haha
Yup..
Till later!

2006-07-22T22:46:00.000+08:00

*Hate myself*

I feel
I performed fairly well today.
My average increased but why am I still unhappy?
This is soooo irritating.
MY average jumped from 128 to 135..
That is a good thing right???

WHYWHYWHY
Still not satisfied!????!?

I realise something today.
PEople stress me = Cannot make it... AT ALL
I stress myself= Cannot make it as well
People psycho me= Such a no no
I psycho myself..= It works!

To those who sent me wishes,
Thanks alot...

Especially to Toey!
You're such a sweet girl!
I'm sorry I can't hang out with ya to hear you complain about...... today...
Probably soon kies?
Hugs

Fuck it man..
The scar is bad
REALLLLYYYY REALLLYYYY
Fuckin bad...
Hating this man...

Argh!
Im just feeling fucked up with myself man....
Out of here....
=
*I think I've got a lil crush on ya! A LittlE!!*

2006-07-21T12:58:00.000+08:00

*stupid mistakes*

UGH!
The people I stay with just can't stop feeding me!
That is my dad's orders to them
When I heard it I was like...
WhaT!?!?!?!!!?!??!

Darn it..
And all I do it reject and reject and... some times accept.
Haha..

I'm aching.....
10 games and additional 1 hour of training so made me ache....

Im currently hearing a guy whine on the phone now...
Mr HXX is whining!
Can you believe it....
!

I'm penging big time...

Going out for a movie later!
YAY
It's been......... more than half a year since I've caught a movie in a theatre..
And it's been a month plus since I've stepped into a restraunt
So we're going New York New York later..!

Cant wait!

I'm feeling sleepy.
Big time
Still sleepy...

Feels like I havent attended school for awhile
Well I turned up yesterday but only for 2 hours.
It feels great without being able to step into class actually.
When I step into class,
All I feel is shit.
I just wana stay out as much as I can.
DreAD.........

Everyone, not only me who came to chat with me told me that SEcondary school friends are so much better and I so have to agree with every single one of them and blab about it.....

Oh well....
I shall stay happy..
=]

*I LOVE BOWLING! * =P
No matter how stressed up I get over it..
No matter how much it fucks me up,
Bowling's over Netball's priority now..
Alot alot more...
So... don't expect me to bother or commit as much as before to NEtball trainings...
I mean.. I will commit but if both clashes, Bowling comes first...
=]

Alright should stop to go prepare to go out...

Missed-
Nat
Besttie
Stella
Mother!
Miss Mak.. [WHERE ARE YOU WOMAN!!!!!!!! ]
Ping
My CB and LJ GayS...! haha

CB Chua!
I tell you!
You better not tell people what you dreamt lah...
So REtArdeD!!!!!!!!
Spank ya arse arh..
Haha
But I still love you lah! haha

Take care people!

2006-07-20T23:29:00.000+08:00

I can make it happen this weekend
I will make it work
I will do myself proud

I shall maintain calm and positivity
I shall go slowly and smoothly

I basically did what I wanted to do and what I have to accomplish today.
And..
I can say I'm proud of myself.

Keep it up Dan...

Don't let yourself down!
Do yourself a favour
You can do it!

2006-07-20T09:28:00.000+08:00

*Emptiness*

I told myself I can
Appearently not
I thought I could
But I can't ..

Fuck it

2006-07-19T10:52:00.001+08:00

*it*

What's done
Is done
No regrets..
Live with it..
Just scars,
Hurts it
It'll heal

Time after time it happens
It becomes more vulnerable
Feels weaker...
But she'll fight back
With her every strength of determination.

Still no faith
No hope
No trust
Empty inside
But she will accomplish.

Living in her own world,
Slowly healing it
She will.
Creating miracles
For only herself to see.

She'll make it through...

2006-07-18T21:22:00.000+08:00

*Drift*

I'm drifting..
Drifting..
Slowly drifting
Futher..
Miles away..
Far far away
I'm drifting away
Slowly fading..
Fading away
Away from anything
Away from everything
To a world of my own.

I faded.
I drifted.
Im away.
In my empty world.
I'm lost..
I'm gone.
Long long gone...

=]

2006-07-17T23:48:00.000+08:00

Know what...
Just fuck it lah...
I am going to bother but not much
I will let fate decide my destiny at the end of the day.

I've pretty much given up
Just going to give out the last stretch of energy on Saturday and I'm done...

WHen you start to feel exhausted with a relationship with anyone or something, it means it is a verY bad sign...
It's just too energy taxing
All you see is disappointment in someone or something in your own eyes..
All you feel like doing is to give up hope.

Well..
I seriously don't know

Okay...
I should go now...

*You should know who you are.... thanks for being here all this while*

2006-07-17T08:56:00.000+08:00

I seriously dont know what else can make me happy anymore
because...
There's practically nothing........

It's alright..
I shall just stay ignorant
take one step at a time
things will gradually improve
slowly go away...
and everything will be fine

Everyone's just coming to me with the wrong intentions.
I'm just in a dilemma if I should continue treating them nice..

Right I forgot..
Ignorance..
I should continue..

Less than one hour of sleep is so not helping me get through with my day...
And people just has irritate me early in the morning...
Conversations which pissed me off-
bitching about others' flaws not realising that it is their flaws too...
The irritating tone they speak in
Followed by-
People whining
Not being considerate with the fact that I had little sleep and all I need to be thankful was whines and complains...
Things which made me realise that...
everyone is trying to fuck me up
though I am going to stay ignorant and smile about it

So yes.......
I'm ignorant.

Does it even pay to be nice?
I really don't know...

2006-07-16T18:21:00.000+08:00

I have been bowling for the past 7 days and I shall stop for two days...
Monday and Tuesday.
Monday -School ..Asked out by someone... =]
Tuesday -Hospital followed by Netball
Wednesday-Skip school.. Bowling
Thursday - School... Bowling...
Friday - School... Bowling...
Saturday - Bowling... Happy...
Sunday -GYM ... Happy...

Well..
That's more or less my week's plan

Went to train myself just now...
I sort of got my swings and all..
I just have to constantly remind myself before I go for every set.
Planned on 2 games at first but I ended up bowling 6 games.
Suprisingly I wasn't as tired as I expected myself to be...
Best game today was.... 144..
Could've been better
I was aiming for 160
First 6 frames were all strikes and spares but I kind of lost concentration for the last 4 frames somehow..
Damn...
Average is still 12+++ sian...

BUT
I know I did sooo much better compared to the past two days...
I know I can do even better than today!
And
I know I will do it!
I'm probably just tired from work and from 7 straight days of bowling
2 days of break and
I'll heal from my hamstring pull and
I'll be all geared up to bowl and perform well again! =]

Optimism, Determination & Perseverance is the key to success! =]

Oh well...
Work tonight....
And
YAY
Andrew is working too!
He was sooo enjoying himself yesterday lah..
And of all days C2 and C3 machines had to spoil
everything just came to me lah...
wth
Aziz had to ask me to chill.
haha
I still hate him.
Haha

Oh well...
Still had alcohol
But I'm hating alcohol these days....
The smell and taste of it sucks
Not appealing anymore...
That's a good sign =]

Alright I should stop
I'm missing some peopleS!!!!!!

2006-07-15T00:07:00.000+08:00

I don't know how much more
I can take this stress and pressure
cause I know I'm reaching my limit soon
MY head's seriously in a fluster
On the verge of bursting into a million pieces
I can feel me breaking down anytime
system getting more fatigue...
BUT
No matter the circumstance,
I am going to persevere till next Saturday.

I'm not going to bother about any problems or situations
I'm going to fuck it and face it...
I'm just going to hold myself even stronger than what I am now
I'm going to control and not allow any cell in this body of mine to die
I'm not going to break down..
I'm not going to fail

After Saturday,
All I want is my goal...
School Team
And I will not even bother if I will be exhausted by then.
I can break down all I want after the tournament
Just not anytime from now till next Saturday

So... no matter how fucked up I feel now
I will take everything smooth and steady.
Handle all of it well
and have my efforts paid off...

I must
I can and
I will

Fuck everything else.
What's most important now is Bowling
and
Only
Bowling.

I may be someone nice
bUt
When it comes to achieving my goals
I am determined with what I want to get
Well
Sounds selfish but I will not let anyone or anything get in my way
I put my actions into words
And I'm serious about this...

OKay...
I should stop this
I was just irritated with myself again today
welllll
eventhough I reached 158..
still not satisfied
score may be good but everything else sucked

I can feel my hand dieing...
6 straight days of bowling...
including tomorrow..

I know
I'm crazy but
just fuck it.
As long as I can attain my goal
I'll do anything...

=]

2006-07-13T22:54:00.000+08:00

*UgH!*

Irritated is the key word
followed by disappoinment

Decided on bowling over something else..

Seriously man
Under performed
Was shit OKAY!
No hook
Wrong swings
Wrong slides
Wrong aiming
Wrong arrows
Wrong pins
Little strikes and mostly spares.

Fuck it man..
I was seriously pissed with myself...
Disappointed at the same time..
Well..
more of fury...
Angry with myself.

Fuck care lah.
Just hope tomorrow I'll fare better...

Anyway...
It was really greatto meet up besttie and mother!!!!
I looovvvveee both of them soooo much!
hahhaa
Mother asked to give me a kiss and I returned one
Besttie didnt want any from the two of us so too bad!
Haha
Hope you two like the chocolates!!!!
Muacks!

Hmmx
I think I'm skipping school tomorrow
Fuckin tired.
I want and need more sleep..!
I want to go training fully energised.!

Ok bath time!

2006-07-12T22:59:00.000+08:00

*Turkey Turkey*

No andrew..
Not the turkey meats we consume...
Tureky for bowling!
DUH!

YAY! I've got turkey today!
Though it didnt contribute to my best game today...
Highest score is 3 points better than yesterday..
I wasted the last strike shot..
Haha..

Anyway..
Collected my replugged ball..
I cant use it for nuts anymore.
Sigh...
It's just lighter and I have to adjust my swings to accomodate to the 12 pound one.
Damn.
Played 6 games...
Bought the "ball ball" hahaha
and.. the polishing liquid...

My brain is totally drained out now...
Andrew's 13 pound flattened my finger today..
So painful ok...
Haha..
It's swelling and clotting now but no big issue..
I think my finger is cuter when flatter anyway..
Rubbish.
Haha

I have been spilling drinks these two days.
No idea why..
Damn...

Okays......
I shoulg take my bath now

2006-07-12T08:57:00.000+08:00

*All they want is...I conclude*

bowling yesterday was....
pretty fine...
=]
lowest score which was the warm up game was 98.. highest was 150...
Cool.
Hopefully I'll be able to perform better today.
Going to YCK to collect my replucked ball

I miss being in an all girls environment and I want this environment back...
I know I'm being unrealistic
Cause it's impossible anymore
But..
I just hate the "mixed school" environment feeling.
I may be used to it already but I just hate it.
It's not the people who I'm not used to
It's just how all girls school girls are nurtured.
In STC [Though the school sucks now]
We're treated like young ladies.
But under the condition of a mixed environment, we're treated like girls.
Young girls!
It just gets irritating most of the time..
Absurb.

Females are seen as vulnerable bitches
Weak and useless.
Which I hate the other gender for treating me like what I just said

I'm neither a small girl nor infantile.
And I'm not a vulnerable weak bitch either.

I live up to my stands and I have my say in things I take charge in life.
Stop treating me so small people
I'm not the cheap sort
I'm not for people to use.
And I will NOT allow anything I have mentioned earlier to happen.

In fact, I feel, many females are much more mature than that other gender...
I just dont understand why 99.9% of men are "bOYS"

They just can't get enough of anything..

Oh well..............
I shall chose to be ignorant.

2006-07-11T09:48:00.000+08:00

*Don't expect much from a person like me*

I love love love my new reactive ball...It rawks!

I must focus on my accuracy on aiming today...
My aiming for hooking sucks.Big time...

Slept at...
I have no idea what time...
I was "pestered" the whole night.Hah.

Went to macs for breakfast.
Bought drew breakfast =]
fagged a stick...
Was asked why I'm faggy today...
I dont know why.

Irritating faciliator today
But I'm seriously trying to make it fun and funny for myself

Oh well.I can't wait for self training later!
I wana kiss my reactive ball now.
Hahahaha

CRazyOutta here!

2006-07-10T08:58:00.000+08:00

I DREAD TODAY...
I seriously do..

Don't know why but I basically just feel fucked up...'
I woke up feeling like shit.......

I am becoming more forgetful day after day
And this is bad.

Anyway.....
I just feel that people are starting to play mind games with me
Soooo fucking irritating.
Wana play?
Bring it on...'
Cause thesE seriously don't have impacts on me....

Other than makingme feel fucked up

Ughhhhhh...
dickheads!

2006-07-09T21:05:00.000+08:00

Sleeping has always been a need to me but never something I will do for from630 am to 740 pm...

I guess I've been too busy with anything and even barely have time for myself.

Training was bad this weekend... cause... I seriously had less than 3 hours of sleep in three days...

So basically.. I fucked training up.
Well...
Though it was much better towards the end of training.

Got my reactive ball. Yay!
It's dark rich green, black and slight gold.
Sounds cool huh! =P
Think I'll have to go down to YCK to collect my polyester ball.
Hope the replucking is done =]]]

Chatting with... now and feels all so wrong.
Haha..
It's been almost half a year...
All of a sudden so alien

Probably we'll be meeting up end of this year.
I hope.

oh well.
not much of a mood to blog.
Im out of here...

2006-07-07T09:44:00.000+08:00

I had so much time until I started trying out flairing...
It was cool...FUN! but.........
Painful to the hand...
haha
And just like old days..
Dropped flair bottles hitting one another...........
Especially the legs...
haha...

Painful sia...

I mastered the simplest simplest basic technique. =P
But I should start trying to flip the shaker cup soon...

cOOL

But work was so so not cool.....
I suffered from fear man...
That place is so fucking haunted...
I kept seeing things I shouldnt but I ignored..
I took it as I didnt see anything.

MAx was nice enough to tell me how to do bar...
=]
AND the histories of all the white liqueors...
There are five...
In order.
Gin
Vodka
Rum
TEquila
Triple Sec.
Followed by
Whiskey
Burbourn
Brandy.

HEy! I remembered the sequence!
hahaa

Gin's originated from Holland but their houspour is from England
Vodka from....... Portugal and Russia
Rum from....... The US
Tequila from Mexico
Triple Sec from ... Eh I think it's North America...
The other three...
I so forgot BecauSE...
I was so falling asleep even when standing..
Elle got me ice coffee..
So sweet of him
If not I would have been dead.
Haha..

alright..
Off to break

2006-07-05T20:23:00.001+08:00

............... are asses.....

I so agree with this phrase.

School was.....
Slack
I slacked but class wasn't

Actually nothing much happened today
And things that happen and feelings that arised,
I don't want to talk about it...

I am so going to suffocate anytime...

I need to keep myself occupied.
Just that and I'll be glad...

This was meant to hurt..
I should have known

2006-07-04T19:56:00.000+08:00

I want you to know that
To me,
Little gestures like the pinky hook we had meant a thousand words .
I will keep to this litte promise.
I swear upon God..
And I hope it will be likewise....
Don't ever forget this alright?
You're the one who told me you want to keep this forever...
So dont break it...
We'll take every single step together...
And I'll keep my word...

I was just hesitating if I should message that someone who ask me to send a message to that person.
Just when I decided to be nice, that person messaged me...
->Eyes widen
-> Choked on my Yakult
-> Coughed like hell....

The message was crap...
Asking about my past time...
Shakes head...
Well... of course I will entertain others ...

Thank goodness I didn't agree to a phone conversation...

This is starting to freak me out!
Really !!!!
Haha
Okay okay
Can't jump into conclusions too soon
BUT...
I conclude this is a bad sign.......
Really bad...
Haha
I'm sorry you're not even on my consideration list...
=P

I was suppose to reach home at around 6 plus but I reached home one hour plus later thanks to Mr best friend.
He dragged me to take the North South Line instead of the East West Line...

Practically trying to pull whatever that has rubber so doesn't help...
And trying to smack whatever I have so doesn't help more....

But had fun during the trip there lah...
I was like...
I have to maintain my reputation in town so hands off!
Just when I said that, I heard my name travelling from behind.
I opened my mouth wide open and waved and turned and smacked him...
Hahaha

He's just so out to ruin my reputation...
Right ???
=P

And yes ..
He went for his romantic date and I took a loonnnngggg bus trip home..
You owe me something man !

School was alright.
I want to leave for Auzzie to study though..
But I know I won't...
Sigh...

Nor was happily
Seducing me today..
What a horneh bitch....
*Shakes head*
Hahaha

I am going for a run at 9pm later.
Reasons why...?
I had my meal at 730.
Finished it t 8pm...
One hour of digestion...
9pm run.
YAY!
Haha

Alright..
I am laughing to myself now..
This person is soooo naive...
What do I expect from a partner in a relationship???
Thats the question I got...
I am so laughing!!!!!
This ...person is so stupid...
REally really naive....

I cant stand it...
I'm out of here to do RJ man...
Hahahahaha
P.S.:
I'm still laughing..
Hahahaha
Okie.. I'm evil

2006-07-03T20:18:00.000+08:00

Strangers strangers.....
These people I met on the roads today seriously irritated the shit out of me...
First was at the bowling alley...
Oh well..
Major distraction....
Woosh

Secondly..
On the train...

Just when I thought thats the end of passers by irritating me, I was in my block lift and I was about to press the close button and that blanga girl popped her hand and head in to press the close button at her floor...
I shook my head and the uncle in the lift with me laughed...

I conclude..
Children are irritatingly childish..
Well..
Thats why they are called children

And young teenagers like to act 5 years older their age
Show offs...
Attention seekers...
And Rude people...!
Act cool
Spout nonsense
Spread nonsensical childish RUMORS which are so not true....
FUCKINGLY RUDE...
IRRITATING

And finally..
Typical Singaporeans..
SQUEEZES LIKE NO TOMORROW...
without saying sorry or excuse me.!
Fuckers I tell you....

Seriously, not all are like that..
BUT many are...
I so think it is true that they weren't properly taught at home back in their younger days by their parents.....

I may not have good parents either?
But at least I know how to take the initiave to learn whats right and whats wrong
And learn good things to make myself a better person.
Constantly upgrading myself.

MAn...
I can feel my tolerance level building up
A good but unhealthy thing I guess...
Accumulating everything in there and still being able to put on a smile is so successful of me...
Well..
I'm not yet perfect at it but I will soon master the skill of tolerance under any category of pressure..

Well done Dan..
Well done...

Fuck everything man
I'm out to do my fucking RJ

____________

We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we'd have to go through
Now here we are, I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me, I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start

And life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'
Life is a road now and forever wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers, on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

And life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'
Life is a road now and forever wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you

Knew there was somebody somewhere
I need love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing is going to tear us apart

And life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'
Life is a road now and forever wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you

Life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep goin' on
Starting out on a journey
Life is a road and I want to keep goin
Love is a river I want to keep flowin
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning
With you

2006-07-03T08:46:00.000+08:00

Happy? I should be...
=]
I will chose to be ignorant...
I SHOULD! =]]]]]

I'm just being over sensitive...
I'm ignorant
I'm ignorant
Ignorance
Ignorance
Ignorance.....

Still smiling =D

2006-07-02T19:38:00.000+08:00

And yes.. this is my new dream phone...
So nice right!?!?!??!!?
Sigh..
This phone of mine is only less than one year old I think....
Fuck it....

fallin fallin

2006-07-02T19:08:00.000+08:00

You tell the whole world that I don't spend enough time with you
Now that I tried forking out those times to make it up, you give excuses.
Continue spending more time with those cheapos from hinachay and I won't bother anymore...

I'm chatting with a friend from the Maldives now..
But I seriously don't know which one she is..
They all look the same...
Haha..
REALLY!
Miss them though...

Yoga-ed
It was great!
But I realise I lagged....
Thank god Adi still remembered me.. =P

REceived a call from Ines...
Didn't get her name at first..
=P

I so think I will be so dead for school on Friday man...
Portugal and France 3am game on Thursday..
No need to go home already...
Can go to school straight the next day.
Haha

Suppose to be 8 hours of work but I think it will be dragged to 10 hours...

Sooo tired now..
Bored too.......
Alright..
I should go hunt for my videos......

AND I WANT MY PHONE CHANGED!
=\

2006-07-01T22:02:00.000+08:00

OMG!!!!
WAN IS SO FUCKING SWEEEEETTTTT!!!!

I told wil to tell wan mik and siti that I miss them like hell and he called me!!!!!
My heart melted right on the spot man....

I miss that lonely girl in auzzie too big time!
Oh well...
The people in Happy who makes me happy!
=P

2006-07-01T21:04:00.000+08:00

I swear I will not let a second time from happening.
Things are great man!
=]]]]]]

I think I am 4/5 my way to RP bowling school team!
I was asked to stayback for private training!
=PPPP
Coolllllll

I think I had too much food today and I so feel like puking.
I am sooooo going to work out tomorrow if not I will kill myself
I mean it...
Haha

Anyway..
Bowling training today was.... kind of boring I can say?
I feel I was inconsistent
I managed to hook man!
BuT
Only during the foul line drill I am able to do it..
Its really hard for me to put the steppings and hooking together.
I will improve!
I must and I know I can do it!
Confidence and practice makes perfect

Im glad we all met up yesterday peoples! I love you guys!
Argentina still rawks!
Go England!
=P

P.S:Pls read Miss R. Mak's blog!
I Like that daring part!
It was damn shit hell funny! hahah

NOthing much to blog about
Today is basically a happy day
=]]]]]]]

Byebye

2006-06-29T21:32:00.000+08:00

I just saw a new ray of hope right in front of me...
First call... Voice mail
2nd time.. No one
Third! YAY!!!
I am looking forward to this Saturday
I am
=]]]]]

Offers kept coming in today......
I don't know why...

Oh well...
School today was..........
BAD

Anyway...
My drowsiness just keeps coming and I have no idea why..
I just needed to shutup and rest...

Final Meeting
Horrible!
VPN just had to add on to the stress.
I wASS SOOOOO PISSED WITH ......
talkkkkkkk soooooo much....
when compiling tell me need to change stuff..
Well..it turned out wrong anyway...

Some misunderstandings...
so spoilt my day
I see no point in going into it so I decided to leave it alone...

FAcI was irritating the shit out of me...
But somehow...
I am fine with her...
Theres just something that makes me not really dislike her..
Well.. though I was cursing and swearing and complaining at her
But..
I still feel something different that don't know what I see from her

Went bowling instead due to unforseen circumstances...

No gym ... =___
Bowling was great!
5 games...
150
98
138
121
136

Those were the scores....
Not too bad today huh...
=P

CAbbed home
Saw a pineapple sitting on one of the seats at the void deck....
A FULL PINEAPPLE

Weird...
I'm feeling drowsy again.
Got to take my medication again which is so not going to help me with the drowsiness...
Adds on to it...
Not make it better...

Well....
I'm pretty fucked up lately.
I just dont know what is wrong with me...
Everytime I go all quiet I get fustrated with me and only myself....
So damn irritating....
Probably the aunty visiting time is here....
Haha

2006-06-28T09:12:00.000+08:00

BESTTIE!
MY sexy MOTHER!
MISS .N. CHAN
MISS .R. MAK
MY SQUIRREL
MISS LIE
CB CHUA
LJ YEO

YOU PEOPLE ARE MISSED!

I'm getting nausea...
with medication these few days...
It's killing me!!!!!
I cant function during the day at all

2006-06-27T18:34:00.000+08:00

I taught you love...
This lesson is the only lesson I will never forget...

I am so in a rush
But no matter how important things are, I have to blog..
Specially for this person...

The first and only thing that made me really happy today is when I reached home and heard from that Fillipino [However you spell that] that I have a mail...

Saw it on my table..
First thing I saw on the letter...
-hi, i'm getting married.turn up early!!! -Guess Who!-

First thing that came out from my mouth...
-Married?!? What the hell???

1dollar stamp pasted
So too much..

Opened it up...

Saw the handwriting with <3 (s)
That first moment I know who it is...

You are the first person who made me rEALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY truely happy eversince the past few days...
Your letter came at the right time...

I got to be thankful for this...
It's true I really missed those times at Lavender and Bugis
I miss those times back in school where we will do all sorts of "younameityougotit" stuffs
You made me remininsce
And made me realise..
How much I miss you

You touched my heart
Truthfully...
If you didn't write me this letter
[No matter how short it is]
I wouldn't have thought I left those memories behind..

Now we're almost worlds apart
because things changed too much too fast.

I'll always be there for you ..
It's true
And even if I'm not there,
I'm just one call away...

You'll be in my heart
On my mind
twenty four seven
Just remember that...
<3<3<3

2006-06-26T23:53:00.000+08:00

W16A & our beloved Mojo! That's what I did in class when all eyes are on presentations!haha
Sean And I
Routine after bowling.. Sit down and drink! =P
I know.. my hair is screwed. but I'm so loving it..

2006-06-26T23:34:00.000+08:00

Ding dong

Im tired

I couldnt wake up today
Not because I am a heavy sleeper
I am so not one
It's because I was too weak to wake up....
No energy....

COmments given to me today
-I look tired this few times... I'm not like this last time...
-I look pale... Am I ok?

Alright
Fucking tired....

Mojo is leaving!!!!! SADDDDDD
Took a final class picture with him!
Haha

my camera rawks? but it just so doesnt like me!
WTH
Haha

After school was pretty much fun though I sucked
I was too tired to bother to slide at the end of the day
But I think I did much better with sliding at the point of release. =]

I hope I can get my reactive ball soon and I hope my plastic ball can be re plucked soon too!
For the sake of.... school team!
Iwill
!!!!
haha

Oh well....
Life, much happier
though tiring
urm.......
less problems
need a job
contented in who I have in my life
love the 5 special people in my life
loves the people who truthfully care for me....
I really appreciate it.
Dread 3 to 4 out of 5 days of school.
Always and forever will be happy though tired after school...
finally.
I'm loving the idea of working out at least twice a week... three times starting from nexxt week!

GTG!
TIRED

2006-06-26T00:30:00.000+08:00

The people I love most at Happy!

I so want to go to bed cause I am so feeling like shit...
I'm fine if I don't see the toilet bowl
But once I see it
I'm gone...

I puked twice in two hours...
Each time it just gets more..

I can feel all those acids and stuff
The bile churning
And I so need to puke again....
UGh
This is so killing and so not helping me to get to sleep.

Was just looking at some pictues..
I realise I don't feel family love
I don't have it..
I mean
I want it
But not the way I have it...

If I ever have one of my own
Whoever that partner is..
I will not allow that person to screw up my family.

I seriously miss Sing Ming days

Alright
Looking forward to after school tomorrow!
Bowling!
=P
I know its only for a short while but I miss my bowling partner!

2006-06-25T19:18:00.000+08:00

fucked up =Happy

Anyway....
I'm at a shit state now..
The amount of on the rocks I had yesterday was like...
Omg!
can be equivalent to one bottle of alcohol man

I popped
Puked rushing rivers though only did that once........
Well I'm not as bad as puking 6 times!
Haha

But the world is just not fair...
Haha
3 martini idiots, 1 left standing....

Oh well...
Some people are just out to get me..
1. Because I am friend of... dot dot dot
2. Shes just fuckin jealous I am gaining popularity so quick and soon and shes falling so badly quickly...
3.She just buay song that she almost got herself fucked previously.

I'm feeling oh so cold now
sick =
Oh well.....
Whats done is done..
I see a new ray of path in front of me!
HAha
Nonsense!
I still love my Happy people!
EXCEPT FOR... the few fuckers...!

I'm actually excited for something else..
Something new
I think I will seriously like it if I go there...

Well..
James is nice enough...
He wanted to help but yup...
I dont think I will want that offer if I get it
Bad rates going on in there
=]

OMG
I am so having alcohophobia like what drew said
LAst night was like the worst night ever!
NO more alcohol for me
Swear to god man!
Haha

Oh well....
Out of here man!
=P

2006-06-23T17:07:00.000+08:00

It's so easy
It's so right
It's so easy
It's so right
to work it all night!

That was just playing on my media player
=P

Woke up at 330.
Wanted to sleep more
but I conclude that if I did,
I'll become a pig

As usual,
I'm not sure why I will start coughing from 2amtill 4am when I sleep.
Around that time.....

Bad bad bad...

Oh well...
It's funny..
I had dreams last night
Good ones..
and I couldnt remember a single one..

But first thought that came to me when I woke up was the people I care and want to care for in my life and whose going to be on my hate list.

Well..
Someone once told me that I only need to have 5 people on my "People I care for" list.
I only manage to come up with 3 that time...

And oh well!
It just so happen that I woke up having the answers....

1. The person who told me I only need 5 on my list.
2. Toey.
3. My dad
4. My uncle
5. My 3rd aunt

Probably it will change one day.. I don't know but for now, this 5
Oh well... there are deifinitly other people I care for..
I care for all my friends.. of course!
But these are just 5 special people in my life...

Work tonight..
And I am so having bad migrane

Official hate list.
1. MY MAID
2. I so think this guy is so no worth being in my hate list cause he will so be out of my sight..
THats a damn good thing.!

Other than that..
I dont really hate people...
REALLY!

Oh well...
Got mail.!
I'm going to get my refund of ic!
Ok..
That is so going to help me survive for a little while till I get my pay!
I think when I get my pay, half will be gone cause I owe mala yeo some money...
=P

Can't yoga already! =The website is down and I cant check the classes..
And Yes!
I so think that going for a short run now is so going to be a fabulous idea!
OKIE
I'm out of here!
Haha

2006-06-22T21:26:00.000+08:00

my dad's a really sweet guy..
And it's the first time I'm loving a guy...

No words can describe how much I truely appreciate what he has done or even what he is doing now.
I may become demanding at times but...
I know he cares
..
Alot...

Oh wellios..
Went for a short run..
not a long one..
Reasons->
I gymmed yesterday
I'm friggin tired cause I haven't had enough sleep
I'm attending yoga tomorrow..

I'm just trying to get my life on the right track again
Because......
I know I want o help myself recover
And I want to "smile" again

I promise there will be sunshine again.
That's for Jensen..

Skipping school tomorrow...
I'm so going to sleep till.......
I don't know!
Haha

Hmmx....
OMG!
I'm excited to take cereals for breakfast or brunch tomorrow!
I can't believe this!
Haha

Sweat party this saturday
Think it's going to be great man!
HAha
Great for party goers
Tiring for party workers!
haha
Lame

Stopping here now!

Enjoy school W16A!

Things are going well eventhough sorrows are masked under the smiles...

2006-06-22T18:55:00.000+08:00

I practically didnt get any sleep last night
I coughed
I could feel my lungs coming out anytime...
And when I fell asleep, I over slept..
Woke up half hour later and yet I still had to wait for my dearest dad

I'm getting the hang of it
and I think I'm doing a great job..
I didnt know how to start doing it this morining but I'm starting to get the hang of it..
=]
I will stick to whatever plans I have set for myself before I drifted off last night.
Progress will be made and I know I can do it..
I have faith in myself...
=]]]

No worries..
Nothing bad for everyone..
It's for the benifits of everyone..
It's just a loss to be for doing this..
But..
As long as everyone else is happy,
I'll be contented...

I can't believe I just agreed to go out with someone who asked for my number the other night at work... !!!!
HAha
Oh well... After that wont be seeing each other anymore cause that person is flying to melbourne for studies..
Haha

Oh well
I'm off to consult my doctor....
Wish me luck
!
I hope it's serious enough for me to cut it off..
CAn't wait for hospital stay if I have to go for the op!
=P
I want to end that suffering once and for all..

I bruise easily so be gentle when you handle me...*

2006-06-21T21:55:00.000+08:00

It just always has to happen to me..
I don't know why
And when it happens right at that moment, no one is there to give the attention when I needed help
No one is there....

I am feeling disgusted right now...
fucking disgusted

And yea .
People say they always do
but I dont believe anymore words....
I am closing this door from now on
I will be on my own

I can and I will rely on myself
I don't need care...
and those concerns..

I'm just feeling hurt..
that's the moral of the story

I'm sorry Jensen..
No more sunshine

2006-06-21T00:06:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to give up hope in whatever I do
Cause I only end up with flower pots no matter how hard I try.e

This is so shit alright
I still can't get over it.

And today just so happen to make me feel more screwed up
I am starting to hate school when it only just started part two of the first sem.

I just wanted to get over and done with todays work cause it started to get screwed
I cried till I laugh
I didn't laugh till I cry
Yea
I am crazy
I dont even know why I bother when others dont......

No, I don't have to feel appreciated in whatever I do..
I really don't
But I just don't know why I even bother to panic and chose to give a first bad impression when the rest were trying to put up a good show when they were the ones fucking slacking big time...

I hate school
I hate lessons
And I am so dreading for it each day
When it's only the second day of the 2nd part of sem 1

The sight of some people just turns me off and spoils my day

I left school happier
Thank YOU for being there...
I think I will be like.....
in a worst condition if you weren't there...

Great I'm feeling shit now
I should go to bed

2006-06-19T22:20:00.000+08:00

Ohhhh soooo bad
You can't imagine how bad it seriously was
I got fucking drunk...

Thanks to Lee and her...
Just one can of becks lah...
Me: No I really cant take beer
Lee: Hack lah you are going to drink!
Me : 0_o

I took like how much of the rest during work and still can telly my money...
Well, except for a 50 cent..
Which I think ended up in a tip box
Haha
And only get drunk after one can of beer
I was like lucky they didnt allow me to finish my can
Just when I thought I was feeling lucky, Ef and Gordon got me to gobble down a new can of becks...
I didnt get to hold the can
They forced it down my throat
-_-
Drew himself was drunk but he had to take care of Lee and I
Siti was happily laughing at Lee and I getting mabok..
=P
Oh well
I didnt know I spout nonsense to drew last night
hahah sorry!

Oh well...
You stop breaking peoples heart already and be a good boy!
Hahahhaha
No one wants you to leave and neither do I so stop _______________[Fill in the blank]
=P
Thanks for taking care of Lee and I though you were drunk
=]

Can't blame anyone last night lah..
We had one of the best DJs in Singapore in the house last night
and it was just damn shiok!
All the R& B and mixes are still in my head now
I can sing to you big time man..
Haha

I went to school with only half hour sleep I think
It was that bad that I dont even know I fell asleep

I think my parents were stunned at the state I was in this morning
MY sis thought I was going to bash her up with the look on my face..

I was just damn fucked up and still dead drunk lah...
I was spouting nonsense on the train...
Laughing and talking at the same time
-_-

Thats why I say it's damn bad...
Haha

Drew and I just had to leave..
After first break out
I seriously couldnt take it anymore man.....

Went out
took like a few hours for the alcohol to clear my system

I'm so sick I have to drink some yucky suff now..
Eww

I seriously just woke up after 3 hours of sleep
And I am so going back to sleep now
Right
After my yucky drink.

=]]
Out

2006-06-18T19:58:00.000+08:00

There's still alcohol in my system and I can feel it...
Now I know how drew feels when he said his head is feeling numb..
Mine has been numb since the time I woke up..

Ayu was on leave yesterday!
Haha
So we havoced..
They were nice tolet me do cover cause I said I was't feeling too well..
Oh well.
I think Siti wants to do Cashier badly too cause she seldom gets the chance...
Cover was dammmmnnnn boring
And my job at that area is just chop the customers hands, sale of tickets and drink chat and massage the bouncers' backs...
Haha
I thought I won't have a chance to drink last night at first
Then the drinks slowly came automatically
And one after another, they just got stronger....

People always say they have to drink many jugs or glasses at a club before they get drunk
thats because the alcohol added is just a shot much for a glass and three shots much for a jug...
and the rest are just mixers.....
mine started off fine...
Wan gave me two glasses but was demanding
DAMN demanding!
Haha
asshole lah that one...

half a glass of alcohol I predict..
The rest red bull...

Wan offered
Came 2nd glass...
It tasted one quarter stronger than the previous..

Then this floor guy gave me vodka lime..
I thought he lied to me that there was vodka
but it turned out there was
He said it was and he took it for himself but he decided not to drink
so I assume it was only a shot of alcohol content
because.... he took it for himself..

I got it from those....
one level up people?
haha
right..

The last glass I got was like........ dot dot dot.....
Mik I think. gave it to me..
I was suprised it came automatically....=P
all alcohol and a few drops or redbull
I was like telling Ann that my tastebuds already got numb
And conclusion
It wasnt..
I was plain vodka....
And really a few drops of redbull
HAha

Gordon was stuffing ciggies to my mouth..
He was like..
Eh viceroy viceroy
I rejected a few times but he still insisted
cause when he offered marbolo I was like...
Ewwww no....
Haha

Oh well......
4/5 of the people working there were practically high plus drunk yesterday....
I think I am still a little seh..
I don't know what I am doing at times today.
Haha

Mel was bitching big time about ....
She was seriously cursing and swearing man.
Haha
And I was suprised Faith complained too..
She was like
This kind of people dont have to bother
You're just wasting your time...

Oh well..
I too conclude he is a big time fucker...
Plus a bastard... A fucked up one..
Haha

Just got my hair cut...
I laughed at myself
I look cute at the same time weird and ugly..
Haha

Oh well..
I'm sorry people for not going zouk.
Work needed replacement today...
Enjoy yourselves!
Sorry stella
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! hugs!!!
=]]]]

Im still sick
The numbness is getting worst
And I think I should get going....
Don't have a sunday outfit yet...
Gotta go get it!
=P

2006-06-16T17:17:00.000+08:00

I decided not to sleep after returning from driving...
Mr Lee is so damn nice.....!
Usually they can't really pass people for more than 3 subjects a day
He passed me 5!
I love him!
HAha

I was on the bus back just now
And I was watching some penguin comedy..
Everyone was laughing cause it was seriously so damn funny...
I just smiled..
Not that bad..
Some were like.. :HAHAHA
practically like that!

And I realised I haven't really laugh or smile to match my feelings lately
It has been ongoing for awhile
And on the bus,
was the first time after so long..

I have been faking smiles too much till I don't know which smile or laughter is genuine...

I decided to cook dinner for everyone!
The ingredients were actually prepared when I reached home
And I shouted to my maid
: Aunty you can slack now! I'm cooking!

Haha
I think I'm crazy...
I will never do that cause it's her job..
Usually it's either I do part of the cooking and the rest is hers or I don't even bother...

I concluded I couldnt sleep so I decided to cook....
Right..

Hey!
It's yummy!
=]
My younger sis is enjoying it too...
It's already the 2nd time I'm hearing ..
:Aunty one more plate of beehoon please!
She's going to grow fat man..
Oh well..
She swims and plays NB so I guess it's alright.

Something struck me when I was cooking just now...
I realised I missed those times I had...
And I miss ..

I figured I have totally forgiven..
I guess it just has to do with natural characteristics & personality
I can't do much cause I've tried to help change things for the better for a period of time.
And it obviously didn't work and it hurt me more..

No matter how much disappointment hurt or anger you have caused me
I've threw everything behind..
I know even if you put yourself infront of me right now,
I won't even be able to speak more than 5 sentences to you
But I really tried talking
I just can't do it..
I can't even look into your eyes

Whatever it is
I guess we'll be seeing each other around
but I doubt I'll have much to say
And finally...
I missed you..
I missed those times
Really I do....
[you know who you are because I know you do]

You're just one chapter in my storybook
This part of our story will follow me in my heart forever
But it will be kept at the back of my mind

2006-06-16T12:19:00.000+08:00

There's always two sides to one story.
There is to mine
And that was just part A
And actually there is only one of them who...
The rest were fine.

I'm just scared...
of the other part.
I can't take it myself either
I'm still fighting myself...

I think I just left an unecessary scar.......

Ohhh I'm feeling so hungry
I am going driving soon!
Coming back to sleep later on....

And
YAY
I'm officially FUCKING sick...
I'm really dieing here
Can I not go driving!?!?!?

I'm sorry gays
Can't join you'll.
I think I need to sleep.
Really sick.
Nevermind...
Tomorrow you both and your picnics right?
It's so going to kill me but
I'm going to sacrifice my sleep time..
I guess.
Haha

I should stop.
If not I'll be late again...
=P

I'm just afraid I won't come back out...

2006-06-16T00:32:00.001+08:00

I still don't know what's wrong with me..
Everything's fine now but....
I'm still not...

oh well.......

I'm even more sick now...
GreAT
Plus work tomorrow....
So gone...

I really took alot of courage to say those three words out okay
And I was laughed at.. -_-
So anti climac lah

Thats the first time I said it when something went wrong.
I swear..

Whatever it is..
I still feel like shit..

I had to take a train to Redhill today to take a bus home
And I think I missed the last bus
It never came.

Things just has to get worst ...
My appendix was killing me with those....
unbearable pain

I could hardly move
Then this girl came along
She sat down....
Asked me if there was still a bus 145...
I told her I wasnt sure cause I'm waiting for it as well.
I was thinking... what if I wasn't taking 145...? Crazy...
Then 5 minutes later she asked how long I have been waiting...
I said 10 mins and usually I wait 15 minutes and I told her 2 minutes more of waiting and I'm going to cab home..
She just said oh okay okay and smiled...

I decided to be nice...
Cause she looked like she passed her curfew hour..
So I told her I'm going to cab already and asked which area she stays..
Telok Blangah Crescent..
Right...
Fine..
I asked if she wanted a lift... cause I stay at blah blah blah..
And she said okay....
I THINK SHE's INSANE....
go on a cab with a stranger at 1200am !???
Well she agreed to pay half
In the end..
I offered to pay full..
Sent her home
Asked her to take care
and I came home...
Well enough, I didn't bring my keys....

With the energy I used talking to that weird girl....
I had hardly any energy left.....'
I acted fine when I talked to that girl...
But when I came back....
I sat on the stairs and started knocking on the door...
My maid jumped when she saw no one at eye level and a half dead bitch sitting on the stairs...
I was like signalling to her I am sorry because I didn't bring my key and I dragged myself to my room....
And I happily still have the energy to type....

I think I'm getting back my pneumonia...
I'm getting the signs of it already..
This looks bad...

I should stop now...
.........
I still hate myself

it's not good to know too much...

2006-06-15T08:26:00.000+08:00

This is retarded..

first thing I woke up
sat on the bed
cursed.../.
big time for the day I dread

second thing
I look at myself in the mirror in the bathroom,
I shouted shit
because I look fucked up...

third thing
I controlled ...
I thought I can..
I thought I did ..

To the kitchen
Said morning to everyone
Faking my smile...
Got my cornflakes

Went behind closed doors
And everything came rushing out...

So wrong...

I woke up......
More than 5 times last night..
I just can't get to sleep on nights I need sleep the most..

Woke up at 8am...
Slept at 230am...
Imagine how zombiefied a state I am in now...
Haha...

God I'm fucking sick right now...
I'm officially having endless sneezing
And..
A sexy voice...
=P
I hope it gets better later today...

I dreamt...
everything was so nice and sweet
I was happy in there
but when I woke up
I realised I had none of the above...

Alright..
I got to go driving now..
And I hope GYM will brighten up my day a little...
working out rawks!
=P

*endless waterfalls...*
my spark, my glow. It's dimming
but ..
I'll still be smiling =]
Okay
I'm out!
Take care all! =]]]]]]

im feeling insecure with every fucking thing

2006-06-15T01:39:00.000+08:00

Im fucked up

my fault

so be it.

Im lost

confused

so tell me what's right from wrong...

I can cry a thousand rivers

and nothing's gonna change..

One bang

im gone...

i hate myself for ______ you

i'll grant your wish

*Even when the sky is bright, I shine*

fallin fallin

Even when the sky is bright, I shine